Rotten smelling things, or the truth and other fictions .2

I am, it may have caught your attention, a MASSIVE football fan. One of my very favourite things in all the world is playing football. I played last night and took a nasty stud to the ankle. Nursing it today and feeling it ache, is a pleasure - such is the twisted extent of my love of the game. I adore Tottenham Hotspur, they're such an incredible club to follow; so regularly being close to success, and so often cocking it up provides the fullest experiences imaginable for a football fan. We regularly get both ends of the drama. At the moment we're riding particularly high, which just means trying to enjoy it while waiting for the crash. What a rush! Internationally, i follow England. I make a point of always following England, catching all the friendlies and all the qualifiers, not just riding the wave that comes around every two years (if we're lucky). Suffice to say, the idea of England hosting the FIFA World Cup(tm) 2018 would, to me, be amazing! The greatest footballing nations in the world competing for the game's greatest prize, on these shores, would be a dream. I don't need to mention that the last time it was here we won it, but i will.

Watching last night's Panorama programme, however, saw me agree with, ahem, David Mellor. This is more surprising to me than it is to you, i can assure you. Not only is he a peculiar looking Conservative Party member who is partial to extra-marital ventures, particularly ones involving toes, but he's a Chelski fan too.

Anyway, his point was that as the inventors of the beautiful game we should press FIFA hard to clear up corruption in its ranks, rather than bow and scrape to them for the right to host their competition.

You see, the programme asked questions about money which appears to show FIFA executive committee members having taken bribes from its marketing company in exchange for votes which would secure lucrative World Cup contracts with sponsors. Not only this, but it showed how nations bidding to host the event subject themselves to every desire FIFA has. In some cases new laws must be passed to allow The World Cup to go ahead in the manner to which FIFA is accustomed. This, according to representatives of the Dutch bid, includes the suspension of workers rights and 'protection' for sponsors - inclusive of complete tax breaks on their behalf. These sponsors aren't minnows by the way, these sponsors are companies like Coca-Cola, Mars and McDonald's (i wonder if Panorama should do a show investigating just what any of these companies think their products have to do with the world of professional sports).

When challenged about this the former sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe MP, said it was reasonable "because the benefits of hosting the World Cup outweigh the disbenefits". Clearly 'The George W. Bush School For Elocution' is finally off the ground, and Mr. Sutcliffe is just one example of the many people whose use of language has been disunconfused.

So what of FIFA? Surely the responsible thing to do is face up to charges and clear out corruption rather than do nothing but look offended. That wreaks of a body who knows it's dirty to the core. To not even be able to make a pretence of interest in routing out corruption, in favour of insisting - despite the evidence - on innocence, is a mark of deep guilt. It reminds me of a bunch of young people who've been seen doing things wrong who, when challenged, insist "I never!".
- But there, see? Look, that's you on the video tape.
- But i never!
- But, that's you, we're both watching you do it right now.
- But i never!
All that's left is the protestation of innocence.

And what of our bid? Well, now, despicably, two days from the FIFA vote which will decide who hosts the World Cup in 2018, Cameron, Beckham, and others responsible for landing the bid are busy schmoozing with FIFA and condemning the BBC for running the programme for fear it will have damaged England's chances. I'm with Mellor(!?), let's please not worship FIFA so they might in turn grace us a with a dirty (yet massively profitable) rag of a competition. I for one don't want it. Can't we rather impress on them a refusal to acknowledge their power until they restore fairness and integrity to the game we love?

Oh, and FIFA, sort out goal-line technology! I'd love to know where the money that's blocking that one is coming form.

Rotten smelling things, or the truth and other fictions .1

The leaked American files story is an incredible piece of history unfolding before our eyes. It's a marker of the power of the internet and the way the internet has affected information sharing. This isn't just a misplaced disc with names etc of civil servants, this has massive global significance - not least because America is considering declaring a 'War On Journalism'. The first move of which, no doubt, will be to carpet bomb Iran. This is a leak which will be felt around the world, and any number of world leaders and diplomats may react in any number of ways.

America has come out strong saying that the leak is criminal and those responsible will be hunted down and punished - punished like no-one has ever been punished before, since this is a line YOU DO NOT CROSS! This response is clearly a reaction fuelled by embarrassment and a desire to look strong. Anger is the obvious way to go.

Meanwhile the rest of the media seems caught up in what will most likely turn out to be a key marker in the discussion over the freedom of the press V national security. Of course, the press being the press, this is happening while they simultaneously get to revel in the sensationalism of snippets of the leaked information.

Some of this stuff seems noteworthy, and some might even be damaging, but most of it appears to just embarrass individual politicians around the world. Not by virtue of it having exposed scandals in private lives or corruption in their political practises, but by taking clumsy comments they've made in what they assumed were safe places, writing them down and reading massive value judgements on the individuals into these notes.

The question i have is what sort of a document was it that was leaked and who thought it would be worthwhile document to authorise and keep? It's all such petty nonsense. It's like a scene in a primary school classroom where someones diary's been found and read out-loud. "I like Jason, but his trainers are cheap and he can be mean to Ashley. I don't like that because i like Ashley, even though she's a bit smelly sometimes. Kyra's really cool but she won't talk to me because she's up herself. And she's all buddy-buddy with Jordan who i really fancy. If he wants to kiss Kyra though, he can for all i care cos he's fit but he is stupid too...". The diary gets thrown round the room, different people reading out different bits, America, getting more and more cross, starts shouting death threats through its tears. Everyone waiting to see what's said about them then getting upset and hurt, but not as upset as those who don't get any sort of mention at all - for there, there is true pain.

So Prince Andrew is cocky (he's a prince!) and led a conversation which verged on the rude (he's a human!). So some German politicians want to reap political gain (their politicians!), and so Prince Phillip can be rude about the French (he's a racist!). It's as shocking as saying something like, i don't know, like... David Cameron and George Osborne lack depth. We know, we've seen them talk and have assessed them ourselves. Surely these aren't the sort of judgements you need to write down!? Surely this isn't the sort of information you keep and pass amongst yourselves in files marked 'Confidential' while saying things like "Our geese often stare at the moon" and replying "That's what the Spring time is for"!?

All the comments are so subjective it's ridiculous. And it's a great, great shame for two reasons. First, it will have a bearing on international politics. Secondly, because it has undoubtedly confirmed our most quietly held fears: the people running the planet, and their means of doing so, are exactly the same as the figures and politics which govern a school class' social scene. Shudder, weep and pray, for this is the world you live in.

American marketeering

American television broadcasting is terrible. A twenty-five minute show will have three (THREE!!) ad breaks, where in the UK it would have one. More on American programming later, perhaps. For now though i want to highlight the incongruousness in much of the advertising that takes place. Look at these two commercials and compare and contrast:



What an outrageous list of side-effects! Are you supposed to get some sleep between bouts of plotting ways to off yourself? And this is supposed to entice me into buying the product? The company is obviously adhering to American law about having to feature side-effects in drug adverts. But, compare it to this bare faced cheek:



No negatives in this product whatsoever then! Notice how it's the milkman-conscience in white who's talking her into it as well, rather than the one in red as would be expected. This milk really is the hero! It reminds me of our own nutella advert where as the line "...and with two whole hazelnuts in each jar..." is spoken, a jar is shown being opened and hundreds of the buggers pour forth.



American adverts seemed to fall into one of three categories. About 33% of them were for cars / insurance policies / cleaning products / clothing / perfume etc, 33% were for some convenience food or fast-food chain, and the other 33% were for the latest bit of fitness equipment or regime. By far my favourite of this latter category was this, for unspeakably obvious reasons:




Overall though, this next one was the one that rode fastest and loosest with it's benefits, and it summed up perfectly the juxtaposition of the ratio i just mentioned.

(This was the only form i could find the advert in, sorry. If you whizz it forward to 58 seconds, it's right there)



That's right. Watch it again if you don't believe it, your eyes do not deceive you.

Add this all together and you've got yourself your own little American Psyche.

I (heart) NY

When i was 11 i went on a fortnight's family holiday / road trip around parts of North Eastern USA - Niagara, Pennsylvania, Baltimore, D.C, Blue Ridge Mountains - it was amazing and i had an absolutely incredible time. To get home we had to change flights in JFK. Sitting in, and wandering round, the terminal building was as close as i came to NYC at that point, and even after such an spectacular and exhausting trip, i remember feeling jipped and frustrated that i couldn't get out and see it.

I don't know what my frame of reference for the city would have consisted of at that point; definitely the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building, definitely yellow cabs, definitely Bill Murray (either being cool, lying to girls and relentlessly hitting on them while getting more and more cross about spectral slime and the destruction of existence hampering his having a good time, or offering trouble-shooting suggestions about the attachment of tiny antlers to mouse's heads by means of staples).





I'll have known about the Yankees, the Giants and the Jets (not the gang who kick-ball-change and pada beret enemies to death, but the men who play 'football' by running into each other hard while throwing and catching the ball with their hands). Most exciting to me though, were the Guardian Angels; the vigilante gang wearing red berets and killing muggers on the subway. I'd have loved to see that. They were even cooler than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Crocodile Dundee and LL Cool J put together.

Anyway, i never saw any of it. So, 20 years pass and i dream of New York. Then my time comes and i get to go 3 times in 3 months. The first time i mentioned in the previous post; a day and night stop over en route to Haiti, where i have to go around the city with my eyes shut so i don't see anything before my trip proper with Kelly. I did take sneak peeks at Wall Street, the Statue of Liberty, bits of Brooklyn (inc. Bridge) and the Ninja Restaurant though.

The third time was at the end of my trip with Kelly; a bus ride into midtown Manhattan, and a rush-hour taxi ride out to JFK through Queens and Brooklyn - a fantastic way to leave!

The Second time was the biggie. We were in the city for a week staying with my brother, Gethin, in his apartment in Brooklyn. I absolutely loved the time i spent there, and the city itself; the life and vibrancy of the place is incredible. But then, i get-off on 'the urban', i always have. Cities have always stirred and excited me. I don't know what it is, i think it's in the mix of life and proximity of the people, the density of culture(s) and the engineering and architecture in the buildings and mass transport systems. I love that there was initially a design for a way of living, or a natural reason to congregate and then that's grown and been enhanced organically. I make no apology for using that word - there is nature in our cities, and our cities are key indicators to our human nature. What ever it is, New York has it and i loved it!

The way cities speak of who we are is fascinating, though, of course, they don't always say good things. Take Times Square for instance, apparently the most photographed place in the world, a place where all the tourists have to go. For these reasons i both went, and took photographs, and it is spectacular! But what is it? It's a crossing place of a couple of roads where every inch has been commissioned to advertise.

All the space has been sold so it might in turn sell. Incredible technology and energy is employed to present ideals devised by brands to persuade us of the greater meaning afforded to our lives and great leaps in status we'll take should we 'participate' in the worlds of their products. I'm not kidding, there's M&M World (it's a shop) and Toys R Us World (it's not a world, it's a shop) and even Pop Tart World is under construction (it's not a world, it's a shop - an unfinished shop). Brand names emblazoned everywhere and images of beautiful people, naked apart from whatever item they've been employed to glamorise.

It's like the Mecca of commercialism; "Put on your Nikes, for this is holy ground. Stand and worship the illuminated brand names. Celebrate what Disney, McDonalds, Diesel, Prada and Yahoo, in their infinite grace, have done for you!"

Yep, cities tell us about ourselves. This bit of New York is an altar to what we celebrate: Joining with successful brands as a signifier of our personal success. "Our name is up in lights, if you believe in us you can bathe in our glow; our story is your story when you're made in our image - so make yourself in our image".

Of course, other bits of the city tell other stories about our nature, but it was here that i was most disturbed. To see so many people cooing over electrified billboards, all the while conscious of the side of me that was salivating for the hope proffered by these brands, and swelling with pride brought on by seeing the glowing logos of companies i affiliate myself with was...uncomfortable.

The picture below was one i didn't really want taking because of how i was feeling, however, i'm thrilled with the way it came out (quite accidentally) because it captures exactly the disorientation i was feeling. If a picture of my spirit could have been taken instead, it would have looked just like this. Note also that i myself am branded - a walking advert.



There were loads and loads of other spiritual experiences i had in the city: playing football in central park with my brother, the museum of natural history, riding the subway, visiting Coney Island, the privilege of enjoying incredible food - and then the grace of having the very best meal paid for as a gift, surveying the land from the top of the Rockerfeller, getting caught in the fatest rain, just sitting in the foyer of the Guggenhiem museum - but Times Square was the most challenging. It asked: Who is your God? Where is your hope? How strong is the tide of culturally-approved-selfish-ambition against loving your neighbour as yourself? How do you make your voice heard over the din of injustices in production of goods that make you feel self satisfied? Where does this celebration of brand power leave the poor and marginalised?

God was there and i can't wait to go back.

The intro to Woody Allen's Manhattan covers most bases of perspectives on New York wonderfully.

Old News

Not been on here for a little while. It would seem that the Haiti trip and the all-sorts-of-stuff since has proven too much to begin formulating into blog posts.

So, there was Haiti (please look at the house of hope blog for on the ground news from friends about the issues facing this country), and then there was the end of my term (and employment) as student minister at Wakefield Baptist Church, then there was some job centre action, then a distinct possibility of a post in a church in central London came to nothing, then there was a month's 'holiday of a lifetime' (3 weeks in North Eastern USA, one week in Gran Canaria), then there's been bits and pieces of freelance work for the LEA devising and delivering sex and relationship lesson material for boys in secondary school - alongside a continued search for regular work.

Suffice to say, the burbling flesh that used to be my brain has lost all means of letting me know what's going on and how i should feel about it.

Did you know that in the job centre the touch screen machines you use to look for work have four options their top menu? These four options are 'general search', 'my account', 'detailed search' and 'jobs in the armed forces'. Unbelievable cheek! This is just one example of the many, many things which i could have blogged about but for it being too mashed in with everything else to reason it out and apply words to.

.

So, anyway, sorry about being away. I'm sure bits of all this stuff will find some way out over the next few months.